allergies

I have my blog in quite a similar way like I have my allergy medicine. (I’ve never liked adding ‘my’ to everything I possess or am about to consume but it happens to everyone.) It’s just there and I know that “when worse comes to worst” I can always “turn to it”. It doesn’t necessarily help but at least I know that “I did everything I could.”

I started writing my blog in English when I wanted to believe that I had started living in English: reading articles on migration in English, laughing, bullshitting, crying and toasting my bread in English. Deep inside though, I was secretly hoping that my boyfriend to-be would read my blog and be impressed by “how  creative I am” and how – unlike in spoken situations  – I don’t confuse ‘fizzy’ with ‘fuzzy’ in the context of English cider.

He was English but is an ‘ex’ now, and all I can say is that the best thing about having an English boyfriend is that it puts your childhood theory into practice. You can finally use all the words that you used to hear when listening to foreign bands on the radio. Like baby or I love you.  And of course the magic rhyme that the English language is lucky to have. Together-forever. As I child, you kind of thought they were words that “only musicians use”. With an English boyfriend though, they do for a tiny moment indeed exist.

When they cease to exist, the song turns into some poorly pirated copy, with no traces of authenticity and no rhyme. It feels fake and hollow listening to it but I know this feeling – just like my allergy –  will have to go away soon.

In September, when wormwood stops blossoming.